Zelda: Ocarina of Time
by Cloud-123
Summary: MY version of Ocarina of Time. Chapter 9 now up! Rated just to be safe.
1. Link's Awakening

Author's Note: I hope some people will like this story, and I hope it is not some crappy story that no one reads.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Zelda games ******  
  
Navi: Wake up! Listen, Look, Watch out!  
  
Link: Zzzzzzzz.  
  
Navi: WAKE UP!!  
  
Link: Huh? Who are you?  
  
Navi: I'm Navi. We must go see the Great Deku Tree!  
  
Link: Dickhead Tree? Ewwwww!  
  
Navi: DEKU TREE! Come on!  
  
Link: Ok  
  
Link and Navi walked outside of Link's tree house thingy and walked to where the Great Deku Tree stood. A boy was standing in the way.  
  
Link: Hi Mido! See my faerie?  
  
Mido: So, you finally have a faerie. But I will never accept you as one of us!  
  
Link: Who cares? Now move over! I need to see the Great Dickhead Tree!  
  
Navi: DEKU TREE!  
  
Link: Whatever  
  
Mido: You don't even have a sword or shield  
  
Link: So what?  
  
Mido: You don't even have a sword or shield  
  
Link: Just move!  
  
Mido: You don't even have a sword or shield  
  
Link: JUST MOVE!!! Mido: You don't even have a sword or shield  
  
Navi: Come on! We must see the Great Deku Tree!  
  
Link: But he won't move!  
  
Mido: You don't even have a sword or shield.  
  
Navi: Come on!  
  
Navi dragged Link by the ear to the shop.  
  
Link: OWWWW!!  
  
Navi: Shut up! We have to buy some stuff  
  
Girl: Hi Link! Press Z to lock on and talk to me!  
  
Link:??  
  
Girl: giggle giggle  
  
Navi: Just ignore her  
  
Link and Navi walked into the shop. A little guy was bobbing up and down behind the counter.  
  
Shopkeeper: Move the stick thing on your controller to the thing you want to buy and press A to buy it.  
  
Link: .  
  
Shopkeeper: Or you can talk to me  
  
Link: Ok, I'll do that  
  
Shopkeeper: We don't sell swords  
  
Link: What do you want to talk about?  
  
Shopkeeper: We don't sell swords  
  
Link: .  
  
Navi: We need 40 rupees to buy a shield  
  
Link: Ok  
  
They walked out of the shop.  
  
Navi: Where are we going to get rupees?  
  
Link: Shut up, I'm thinking.  
  
Navi: That could take awhile  
  
After about and hour, Link ran back into the shop.  
  
Link: Hey bobbing person! I want a shield!  
  
Shopkeeper: That will be 40 rupees, please  
  
Link: What are you talking about, it's Free Day!  
  
Shopkeeper: Huh? No its not!  
  
Link: YES!  
  
Shopkeeper: NO!  
  
Link: YES!  
  
Shopkeeper: NO!  
  
Link: NO!  
  
Shopkeeper: YES!  
  
Link: Ok then, give me my shield!  
  
The shopkeeper looking confused, handed over Link's Shield. Link and Navi went outside.  
  
Navi: There had to be an easier way to do that.  
  
Link: Oh, well. I got my shield, didn't I?  
  
Navi: sigh.let's find a sword  
  
Link: Let's ask the know-it-all brothers. They know everything  
  
Link and Navi walk to their house and go inside. Link: Where is a sword?  
  
Brother 1: Sword  
  
Brother 2: Sword  
  
Brother 3: Sword  
  
Navi: Can we go somewhere else?  
  
Link: These guys are weird  
  
Brother 1: Cave  
  
Brother 2: Cave  
  
Brother 3: Cave  
  
Link and Navi leave the house.  
  
Link: Now what?  
  
Navi: I know! We can get some ice cream!  
  
Link: Uh, no. How about we see Saria?  
  
Navi: Ok  
  
Link and Navi walk to where the big climby thingy is and enter the Lost Woods. They walk through a log and wind up at the entrance.  
  
Link: How did we get here?  
  
Navi: Dunne, let's try again  
  
Link and Navi walk through a log and wind up at the entrance.  
  
Link: I'M CONFUSED!!!  
  
Navi: I'm not surprised  
  
Link: Let's not go through there again  
  
Navi: Let's go back to the shop. Maybe someone there can help us  
  
Link: I doubt that anyone can help you, Navi Navi: SHUT UP!!  
  
Link and Navi walk back to the shop.  
  
Girl: giggle giggle  
  
Link: I don't understand her.  
  
They walk into the shop. The guy was still bobbing up and down.  
  
Link: Do you know where a sword is?  
  
Shopkeeper: We don't sell swords  
  
Link: You told me  
  
Shopkeeper: We don't sell swords  
  
Navi: I give up!  
  
Link: Never give up!  
  
Navi: What do you know about giving up?  
  
Link: Nothing. I just know about head injuries.  
  
Shopkeeper: We don't sell swords.  
  
Link and Navi leave the shop. Navi pulls Link over to a small cave.  
  
Link: OWWWW!  
  
Navi: Shut up! Go through this cave  
  
Link went through the cave. A big rock was rolling around. Link dodged the rock and found a treasure chest. Link opened it and pulled out the Kokiri Sword.  
  
Link: WHEEEEEEE! I FOUND IT!!!  
  
Navi: Let's go see the Deku Tree.  
  
Link and Navi walked over to Mido. He was still standing there  
  
Link: Can we go see the Great Dickhead Tree now?  
  
Navi: DEKU TREE! Mido: Hmph! How did you get to be the favorite of the Deku Tree and Saria? Link: Just let us through!  
  
Mido moved over scowling. Link and Navi walked to the Deku Tree.  
  
****  
  
I know this was kind of slow, but it will get more exciting in the future. The reason it took Link so long to find the Kokiri Sword was because of his stupidity. Later! 


	2. Make way for the Dickhead Tree

Author's Note: Wow! I actually got some reviews! I didn't expect any. Thanks! In this next chapter, Link is going inside the Deku Tree! Get ready. 

Inside the Deku Tree!

Deku Tree: Navi, though hast returned. Link, doest though have enough courage to kill a big spider thingy?

Link: You talk funny

Navi: Use your controller to press yes or no

Link: Controller thingy? Am I missing something here?

Navi: Just say yes!

Link: Yes

Deku Tree: Ok, go into my mouth

Link: WE have to go inside of you? Ewwww, you didn't mention that before!

Navi: Just go inside!

Link and Navi walk inside and look around.

Link: What is a ladder doing in here?

Navi: I dunno. Hey, look! There's a hole. Jump down it!

Link jumps down the hole and lands in water. He climbs up a box, jumps down another hole, and goes through a door. The door shuts behind Link.

Link: Wow, it's all misty in here.

Navi: Is that an eye staring at us?

Evil Voice: Heh heh heh. you have fallen into my trap! Now, prepare to face the wrath of Queen Gohma!

Queen Gohma steps out of the shadows.

Link: Wow, you are ugly! Does your face hurt?

Queen Gohma: Why, no. Link: Well, it's sure hurting me!

Queen Gohma: You are going to pay!

Queen Gohma came running towards Link, leaving her poop droplets on the floor, which hatched into baby spider thingies. Link took out his sword, and turned Queen Gohma and her babies into a big, spidery mush. A blue light appeared and Link was transported to outside the Deku Tree.

Deku Tree: Watch out for a man in black amour, and here, take this.

A shiny green stone hit Link on the head.

Link: OWWWW! Oh, cool. HA HA, NAVI DIDN'T GET ONE!

Navi: SHUT UP!

Deku Tree: Ok, I think this would add a nice touch to this story, so I'm going to die

The Deku Tree dies.

Navi: We have to find more Spiritual Stones!

Link: Heh heh, rocks.

Link and Navi walk to where Mido was standing. He was in the way.

Mido: YOU KILLED THE GREAT DEKU TREE!

Link: No, I didn't

Mido: DID TOO!

Link: NO!

Mido: YES!

Link: NO!

Mido: YES!

Link: YES!

Mido: NO!

Link: Then let me through. Mido moved over looking confused. Link walked to the exit of Kokiri Forest. He started to walk to Hyrule Plains.

Saria: Link, I knew you would leave this forest someday, because you are different from me. But that is ok, because you are my friend.

Link: Whatever

Saria: Here, take this ocarina

Link: This ocarina is a sucky color.

Link grabs it and runs away from Saria.

Navi: Why did you get out of there so fast? I thought you liked Saria.

Link: Oh, Saria farted and I couldn't stand the smell.

Navi: .

Saria: I didn't fart! That was Navi!

Link steps away from Navi.

Navi: Come on! My farts don't smell that bad!

Link Oh yes they do!

Navi: Well anyway, we have to go to Hyrule Castle.

Well, I'm finally done with that chapter. In the next one, called "Onto the Castle" Link meets Princess Zelda and sees Ganondorf for the first time. Later!


	3. Onto the Castle!

AN: Whew! I am so hot! I've been in the computer room for a while and it is hot in here! But, enough talk! Let's get to the story! Disclaimer: I don't own the Zelda games blah blah blah.  
  
Meeting Zelda ***** Link and Navi crossed the plains and entered the castle. There was a market there.  
  
Navi: We have to sneak passed the guards!  
  
Link and Navi snuck passed the guards. They found a guy sleeping on a crate of milk.  
  
Link: Wake up!  
  
Guy: zzzzz.snore.huh?  
  
Link: What are you doing?  
  
Guy: My names Talon! Oh no! My daughter's going to kill me!  
  
Talon ran off. Link went into a secrete waterway, snuck passed more guards, and found the castle courtyard. Princess Zelda was standing there looking through a window.  
  
Link: Hello  
  
Zelda: How did you get in here? My name is Zelda. I am the Princess of Hyrule. Oh, you have a faerie. You must be the boy from my dreams! Look through this window.  
  
Link looked through the window. A man in black armor walked by.  
  
Zelda: Let me tell you my dream. There were black clouds all over Hyrule. And then, a boy with a faerie came out of the forest and the darkness disappeared. I believe the darkness represents that man.  
  
Link: I had a dream once. I was playing with my toes and then a monster ate them cause he thought they were sausages.  
  
Zelda:.  
  
Navi: .  
  
Link: What?  
  
Zelda: Anyway, I need you to get more Spiritual Stones. I will protect the Ocarina of Time from Ganondorf.  
  
Link: Who's Ganondorf? Zelda: The guy in black armor. He must not get the Triforce!  
  
Link: What's a Triforce?  
  
Zelda: The Deku Tree was supposed to tell you that! Oh, well, if you want something done right, do it yourself! .Navi, you explain!  
  
Navi: Fine! The Triforce holds power from the three goddesses that created Hyrule. There name's are Farore, Din, and Nayru.  
  
Link: Ok. We should go get more Spiritual Stones, Navi! 


	4. Rocky Heads

AN: Hello! You people are lucky I got to type today. I decided to do it because I hate people that don't update their stories, so, well you know. 

Lady: I will lead you out of the castle. If a guard sees you, there will be trouble.

Zelda: That's Impa. She is a Sheika. She has been protecting me since I was a baby.

Impa: Come with me.

Impa, Navi, and Link appear in Hyrule Plains.

Link: How did we get here?

Impa: I have to teach you a song. It's called Zelda's Lullaby. Whistle, whistle, whistle. There, now you know it. Bye!

Impa disappears.

Navi: Let's go see the gorons!

Link: Ok

Link and Navi walk to Goron City. Link walks up to a goron.

Link: Hi!

Goron: Hello, if you want to see Big Brother, he's on the bottom floor.

Link: Ok

Link and Navi jumped down to the bottom floor and knocked on a door.

Voice: What do you want?

Link: Can I talk to Big Brother? I need a rock.

Voice: Come in, if you like to dance.

Link walked in the door. A big goron was listening to the radio and dancing.

Link: I like 93 PBF better.

Big Brother(BB): Ewwww! Old people music! Anyway, what rock do you want?

Link: I need the Spiritual Stone of Fire so I can get the Triforce and kill Ganondorf.

BB: Ok, here you go!

Big Brother hands Link a red stone.

Navi: Your just going to give it to us?

BB: No, I'm just going to give it to him, not you.

Link: Haha, Navi you didn't get a rock!

Navi: SHUT UP!

Link: What can I ever do to repay you?

BB: Just go kill a big dodongo and we'll call it even.

Link and Navi walk to Dodongo's Cavern. They went inside. Link looked around.

Link: It looks like we are in a dead dodonge.

Navi: Creepy.

Link and Navi walk into the dead dodongo's mouth. They see a huge whole and jump down it.

Kind Dodongo: ROAR! Cough, cough Sorry. ROAR!

Link: Help!

Navi: Go get him, Link! I'll watch from over here.

Navi flies above King Dodongo's head. Link looks like he is going to pass out. Link throws his sword at King Dodongo. It goes in his mouth and he starts to choke.

K.D.: Hey! cough cough I already cough have cough athsma! cough cough

King Dodongo falls to the ground, dead. Navi flied down and swatted Link on the head.

Navi: YOU DOLT! NOW WE HAVE TO GET ANOTHER SWORD!

Link: Whatever

A blue light appears that transports Link to outside Dodongo's Cavern. Big Brother jumps down from a cliff.

BB: You beat him! Now we can eat those tasty rocks again! Big Brother starts coming towards Link with his arms outstretched.

Link: W-what are you d-doing?

BB: Let me give you a big goron hug!

Link: AHHHHHH!

Link runs into town.


	5. Zora's All the Way!

AN: Hi peoples! Ready for the next chapter? ******* Navi: We should go to Zora's Domain.  
  
Link and Navi walk to Zora's Domain. Link goes up to a Zora.  
  
Zora: Go see King Zora if you have questions.  
  
Link: Ok  
  
Link and Navi walk to King Zora.  
  
Link: Wow! You sure are fat!  
  
King Zora(KZ): Oh, my poor Princess Ruto.  
  
Link: Can I have a stone? It's the Spiritual Stone of Water.  
  
KZ: Save Princess Ruto and we'll talk about it.  
  
Link and Navi go to Lord Jabu-Jabu. They go inside his mouth looking for Princess Ruto. They see her in a room full of holes.  
  
Ruto: I am Ruto, Princess of the Zoras.  
  
Link: I can see that.  
  
Ruto: I don't want to leave this place! I have been in Lord Jabu-Jabu since I was a baby! But Jabu-Jabu is acting strange today. And I lost my.none of your business!  
  
Link: Just come!  
  
Ruot: Your that worried about me? Alright, I will give you the honer of carrying me. Link: Can't you walk  
  
Ruto: If you're a man, act like one! Take responsibility!  
  
Link: There is no way I'm carrying you!  
  
Navi: Just do it so we can get out of here!  
  
Link: NEVER!!!!  
  
Five seconds later.  
  
Link is carrying Princess Ruto down the hall.  
  
Ruto: Ahhh.  
  
Link: Oh, so your enjoying this.  
  
Ruto: It's not that, I just farted.  
  
Link throws Princess Ruto at the wall.  
  
Link: Stupid Zora! Fart on Navi next time! OR AT LEAST WARN ME!!!!  
  
Ruto: Ouch! I didn't mean to! I just came out!  
  
Navi: Pe-yu! That was a big one!  
  
Link backs away.  
  
Ruto: Hmph! Fine! Don't carry me! Then don't get my Spiritual Stone! If I can find it.  
  
Link: You don't know where it is?  
  
Link runs around looking for it.  
  
Link: I'M GOING TO FIND IT BEFORE YOU DO!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
Ruto: No! Stop! I didn't mean that!  
  
Ruto joins the chase. Link and Ruto are pushing each other into walls.  
  
Link: I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T RUN!!!  
  
Ruto: I CAN, I'M JUST LAZY!!!  
  
Link kept pushing Ruto until she fell into some water.]  
  
Ruto: Help! I can't swim!  
  
Link: Yeah right.  
  
Ruto: No really! I can't!  
  
Link walks around looking for the stone.  
  
Ruto: Hey! My stone is down here!  
  
Link: No! I need that!  
  
Ruto: Take me out of here and we'll talk about it.  
  
Link helps Ruto out of the water and picks her up. They walk through a door. A big, electric monster is there.  
  
Monster: BUZZ BUZZ!!  
  
Ruto screamed and fainted. The door shut behind Link.  
  
Navi: KILL THAT THING!!  
  
Link: I-I don't th-think.  
  
Navi: Just do it! I'll help you!  
  
NAvi flew to where the monster was connected to the ceiling.  
  
Navi: Hit him here!  
  
Link: I'm not that tall!  
  
Navi: Here, use this!  
  
Navi tossed a boomerang at Link. Link chucked it at the monster.  
  
Monster: BUZZ BUZZ!!  
  
Link had cut off the monster from the ceiling.  
  
Monster: Hey! Uh, I mean BUZZ BUZZ!  
  
Link: You can talk  
  
Monster: Damn it! It's not fair!  
  
Link:.  
  
Navi: Just kill him!  
  
Link: Oh, right!  
  
Link went over and turned the monster into mush. Then, a blue light appeared. Link dragged Princess Ruto into it. They were instantly transported outside Lord Jabu-Jabu.  
  
Ruto: (wakes up) Huh? Oh, Link! You saved me! You are cooler then I thought! Just a little.You can have my mother;s stone! The Spiritual Stone of Water!  
  
Link: Ok!  
  
Ruto gave the stone to Link. 


	6. Meeting Ganondorf

AN: Wow, it's been a while, huh? I will be updating more often now since I'm not as busy! Thanks to all that reviewed!  
  
****** Link and Navi walked back to the castle. The gate was closed.  
  
Navi: Hey! That's not fair!  
  
Suddenly the gate opened. A white horse with Zelda and Impa on it bolted through the gate. Zelda threw an ocarina at Link. It hit him in the head.  
  
Link: OWWWW!!! Stupid!  
  
Then, a black horse came out with a man in black armor and green skin. It was Ganondorf. (Dun dun dun!!)  
  
Ganondorf: Darn! I lost them! You, boy! Which way did they go?  
  
Link: Wow, you must be pretty old if you have green skin!  
  
Ganondorf: So, you think you can protect them? Ha ha, foolish boy!  
  
Ganondorf hit Link with an energy ball.  
  
Link: OUCH!! Hey, that was not necessary!  
  
Link threw a rock at Ganondorf. It hit him in the head.  
  
Ganondorf: Hey! That hurt! Don't you know two wrongs don't make a right?  
  
Link: Should I make it three then?  
  
Ganondorf: Aw, forget you. I'll find them myself!  
  
Ganondorf rode off. Link turned to Navi.  
  
Link: Where to now?  
  
Navi: The Temple of Time!  
  
Link: Huh?  
  
Navi: Just shut up and come!  
  
Navi dragged Link to the Temple of Time.  
  
Link: OWWW!  
  
Zelda's Voice: I'm not going to be around any more.  
  
Link: YES!! FINALLY!!  
  
Zelda's Voice: Grrrrr  
  
Link: I mean, oh no!  
  
Zelda's Voice: Whatever. Anyway, learn this song! The Song of Time! Sing sing sing sing sing.There, now play that song  
  
Link played the Song of Time. The Spiritual Stones shone briefly and floated above the alter. The doors in front of the alter opened. Link walked in the room. There was a cheeseball, (cough) I mean, sword in the middle of the room. Link walked over and picked it up.  
  
Voice: Link the chosen one, awake now!  
  
Link: snore..  
  
Voice: Awake now!  
  
Link: Zzzzzzz.  
  
Voice: GET UP!!!  
  
Link opened his eyes. A fat man who was old and had to big of sleeves was looking at him.  
  
Fat man: I am Raru, the Sage of the Light Temple! Your spirit has been preserved in the Temple of Time for seven years. You were too young to be the Hero of Time seven years ago, and you were so shrimpy that you could barely hold up your sword. But now, you've grown up!  
  
Navi: Look Link, you're bigger! You've grown up!  
  
Link: No duh. You think I didn't notice? Hey, I'm bigger! Cool!  
  
Navi: sigh.  
  
Raru: Here, take this.  
  
Raru hands Link a shiny medallion.  
  
Link: Cool! Hahaha! Navi, you didn't get one!  
  
Navi: I TOLD YOU BEFORE, SHUT UP!!  
  
Raru: I added my power to yours!  
  
Link: Big whoop.  
  
Raru: You must go awaken the sages now! Go to their temples!  
  
Link appeared in the Temple of Time. He turned towards the exit, but heard something behind him. A person was standing there.  
  
Person: My name is Sheik, survivor of the Sheikas! I have been waiting for you. There are five temples that you need to go to. The temples.one in a forest.one on a mountain.one under a lake.one in a desert.one in the house of the dead.  
  
Link: You talk a lot.windbag!  
  
Sheik: Why you little.ah, forget it. Go to the Forest Temple first. A girl that I'm sure you know is there. But you are not properly equipped yet. First go to Kakariko Village.  
  
Link: Ok.let's go Navi!  
  
**** My hand hurts.ouch. Oh well. Read and review! 


	7. Getting Equiped

AN: Hi people! Well, tomorrow school starts, so I thought that I would give you a present. A new chappie!! ^_^ Yay!! BURN SCHOOLS!!! And I do Not own Zelda!!! WHEEEEE!!!!  
  
****** Link and Navi walk to Kakariko Village.  
  
Navi: Now where?  
  
Link: I dunno. Let's ask some people if they know anything interesting.  
  
Link walks up to an old man.  
  
Link: Do you know anything interesting?  
  
Old Man: Well. My butt burned up yesterday  
  
Link:...  
  
Navi:...  
  
Old Man: I also know that some people see the gravekeeper come up from his grave, but no big deal.  
  
Link: Let's go Navi!  
  
Link and Navi walk to the graveyard. It started raining. Link pushed some graves aside. He found one with a hole underneath it. Link and Navi jumped down into the hole. There was green mist everywhere. A ghost was floating near a door.  
  
Link: Man...did you fart or something?  
  
Gravekeeper: No!...Well, maybe.  
  
Link: What the hell did you have to eat?!  
  
Gravekeeper: A hotdog  
  
Link: It must have had chili sauce on it  
  
Gravekeeper: Whatever. If you make it through this maze, I will give you my stretching treasure.  
  
He started through the maze. Link followed. The Gravekeeper started throwing fire on the ground. He hit Link with some fire.  
  
Link: Hey!!! Watch it!!  
  
Gravekeeper: Why?  
  
Link: Because I said so!!  
  
Gravekeeper: Fine  
  
Link finished the maze.  
  
Gravekeeper: I will give you my stretching treasure.  
  
The gravekeeper handed Link a hookshot.  
  
Gravekeeper: Beware the walkers of the night when finding your way back.  
  
Navi: I'm scared...  
  
Link: Man, I can smell that guy's fart all the way over here!  
  
Navi: Hey, check out that rock.  
  
Link checked out the rock. It had the Temple of Time's symbol on it.  
  
Navi: Play your ocarina!  
  
Link: Why would I do that?  
  
Link blew up the rock with a bomb  
  
Navi: You weren't supposed to do that...  
  
Link: So?  
  
Link walked through the hole in the wall that the rock was blocking and wound up in the windmill.  
  
Link: Weird...now let's go to the Forest Temple!  
  
***** AN: Kind of short, but oh well. In the next chappie, they go to the Forest Temple!!! R&R!! 


	8. Forest Temple Fun

AN: cringes Hey guys. I know it's been a while. Some of you guys are probably kinda pissed at me. But I do have good news. This story is already written out, so all I hafta do is post it. Anyway, onto the next chappie! I don't own squat.

* * *

Link and Navi walked to the Lost Woods. 

Navi: What do we do?

Link: I know! Saria taught me this song when I was puny so I could talk to her and stuff…yeah.

Link played his ocarina and heard Saria's voice.

Saria's voice: Link! Hi! I was so sad when you randomly disappeared 7 years ago! Now we can get married! squeals

Link: Umm…

Navi: Saria, where are you?

Saria's voice: I'm inside the Forest Temple! Come and visit me!

Link: That's okay, I'd rather not.

Navi: Shut up and move your butt!

Link and Navi go through the woods and end up at the Forest Temple.

Link: I like that tree stump. It adds flair to an otherwise boring meadow.

Shiek: Friends move on…befriending others…

Link: What are you blathering about now?

Sheik: Shut up and listen to the Minuet of Forest.

Sheik played the song on the harp she got from behind her back.

Link: …where'd you get that harp?

Sheik: I had it.

Link: You stole it, didn't you? I knew it!

Sheik: No, I didn't!

Link: I think you did!

Sheik: Just forget about it! Repeat the Minuet of Forest!

Link: No! I know you stole that harp! I trusted you!

Sheik: I DIDN'T STEAL THE HARP! Just repeat the song so I can leave!

Link: I bet you'll steal my ocarina if I get it out!

Sheik: JUST PLAY THE STUPID SONG!

Link: If the song is so stupid, why do you want me to play it?

Sheik turned red. He ran over to the tree stump and banged his head on it.

Link: Do you fell better now?

Sheik: Grrrrr…

Sheik disappeared. Link turned to Navi.

Link: He has anger management problems.

Navi: Yes, I agree.

Link used the hookshot to climb the broken stairs. He walked into the Forest Temple. There was lots of grass and weeds, but no pretty flowers. Link kept going. Saria stood in the middle of a platform.

Saria: Link! You came for me!

Link: Uh, no.

Saria: Our wedding will have to wait until the evil dude in here is gone. I'm gonna go kill him! You need to relight these fires!

Saria went down the platform, which closed up.

Navi: I think the Poe's stole the fire.

Link: I need to go to the store.

Link ran out of the Forest Temple, went to the store, and came back.

Navi: Why'd you go to the store?

Link: I needed a match, stupid.

Navi:….

Link lit the fires and the platform opened. Link stepped inside it and went down. Saria was gone.

Link: Oh, poor Saria! Not.

Link walked in the boss door, using a lock pick he had also bought from the store. There were some stairs which led up to a circle raised above the ground. The circle was surrounded by a really pathetic fence, which Link could not just climb under for some strange reason. Link went up the stairs.

Link: Wow. Who needs that many paintings of the same thing?

Navi: I dunno.

Ganondork appeared in the air on top of his magical flying horsey.

Ganny: Howdy-ho! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Link: Is he drunk or high or something?

Navi: Probably.

Ganny: Whoa, I'm too stoned to fight you right now, so I'll have my clone do it.

Ganondork's clone appeared.

Phantom Ganny: Rar!

Link: Ooo, very scary.

Navi chucked a bow at Link. Link shot an arrow at Phantom Ganondork, and he fell off his flying horsey.

Phantom Ganny: That wasn't very nice!

Link: So sue me.

Phantom Ganondork flew in circles around Link. Link hit him with another arrow and he died.

Link: That's right! I owned you, dawg!

Navi:…Don't talk anymore.

Saria appeared out of nowhere.

Saria: Yeah! You killed him! Except we can't have a wedding, Link.

Link: YES! Uh, I mean…Why not?

Saria: I have to continue to protect the temple.

Link: snort Good luck with that. You killed your own puppy when you were 4 by dropping a bowl on it's head!

Saria: I told you not to speak of that! Now take this medallion. You can keep it as a symbol as our love.

Link: Whatever. HAHA, NAVI DIDN'T GET ONE!

Navi: Shut it already!

Saria: I have added my power to yours!

Link: Congratulations.

Saria: I wish you well Link…come visit me again sometime!

Link: cough Hell no! cough

Link and Navi left the Temple.


	9. Stupid Fire Temple

AN: Wow! I love you guys! I know, it's a miracle, I'm updating so soon. Ah, well, I couldn't help it. Thanks to DarkKrystal for pointing out that spelling error. I didn't notice that. And once again, I don't own anything except some lint in my pocket.

* * *

Link: Now where? 

Navi: To Death Mountain!

Link and Navi go to Death Mountain. They see a goron rolling around in circles.

Link: Hi there! My name's Link!

Goron: Wow, really? My name's Link too!

Link: So what's your name?

Navi: Wow, you're slow.

Link:….Huh? Were you saying something? I zoned out for a minute.

Goron Link: I was named after you!

Link: ….Sorry, I zoned out again. What did you say?

Goron Link: Never mind! My father went into Death Mountain to kill the dragon living in there. Go help him or DIE! Here's a present.

Goron Link handed Link a red suit.

Goron Link: This will protect you from heat damage.

Link: You stole my name!

Goron Link: I didn't name myself Link, my father did. Blame him.

Link: You stole my name!

Goron Link: No!

Link: Yes!

Goron Link: NO!

Link: YES!

Goron Link: NO!

Link: YES!

Goron Link: NO!

Link: YES!

Goron Link: NO!

Link: YES!

Goron Link: NO!

Link: I know you did, don't deny it!

Goron Link: I didn't steal your name! I didn't pick it out! I would rather be called…called…I can't tell you.

Link: Tell me!

Goron Link: No!

Link: Spit it out!

Goron Link spits on Link.

Link: EWW! WHY DID YOU DO THAT!

Goron Link: You said spit it out.

Navi: Haha.

Link: Grrrr. Just tell me what you want to be called!

Goron Link: It's…it's…Volvagia! I WANT TO KILL! KILL AND EAT!

Link backs away. Goron Link is going insane.

Goron Link: KILL! MUST KILL AND EAT!

Link runs away to the Death Mountain Crater. Sheik is there.

Sheik: Learn the Bolero of Fire!

Sheik pulls out her stolen harp.

Link: You stole that harp!

Sheik: WILL YOU JUST PLAY THE DAMN SONG!

Link: gasp Oooooo! Potty mouth, potty mouth!

Sheik: Grrrrr. I got the harp in Hyrule Town, okay!

Link: Those re-deads were selling harps?

Sheik: No! I bought it back when I was a princess!...er, I mean…

Link:…you had a sex change? EWW!

Sheik: Ugh! Great! Now I blew my cover!

Sheik disappears. Luckily, Link is too stupid to figure anything out.

Navi: Ohhhh…that's where she went.

Link: You mean he…or it or something...yeah...

Link and Navi go into the Fire Temple, and then go through a door. Big Brother is standing there.

Big Brother: Free all the gorons! I will destroy Volvagia!

Big Brother goes through a door.

Link: And waste my time actually going through the entire Temple? Yeah right!

Navi: But what about the gorons?

Link: God obviously doesn't love them anyway.

Link goes over to the door Big Brother went through.

Link: Hey! He didn't shut the door all the way! Come on!

Link and Navi go through the door. Volvagia the dragon is sitting in a pool of lava. The door behind Link shuts.

Volvagia: ROAR!

Link: You're going to get a sore throat is you do that.

Volvagia: You really think so?

While Volvagia was pondering this, Navi threw Link a hammer, which he used to bash Volvagia on the head. Volvagia fainted. Then Link used his sword to chop Volvagia into a million little pieces. A blue light appeared and Link stepped into it. Link and Navi were transported to Death Mountain Crater. Big Brother appeared.

Big Brother: Thank you for saving the gorons.

Link: Uh…heh heh. Yeah, no prob.

Big Brother handed Link a medallion.

Link: Haha, Navi didn't get one!

Navi: SHUT UP FOR GOD'S SAKE!

Link: Hey Big brother, did you know your son is a loony?

Big Brother: Wow, I didn't know that. He probably just stuck his medicine in his belly button again.

Link: Now where do we go Navi?

Navi: To the zoras!

* * *

AN: This chapter was interesting to write, because when I screwed up this part of the game. That's right, I found a glitch! Instead of going to see the goron Link, I climbed Death Mountain and went straight into the Crater. I never went to see Goron Link. I used my hookshot to get over to the middle of the symbol on the floor. Sheik still appeared and gave me the song, but I never got the fire suit. Do you have any idea how hard it is to have a time limit to finish that stupid boss battle! And how many rooms are too hot for Link to stay in too long! It was so annoying. Now, when I go through the Crater to Big Brother's room, as soon as I exit the room, it shuts. And that shop isn't open either. I know, I'm really stupid. 


End file.
